A couple serious things that tested me and really helped me solidify my views.
So for a while even as a lay person I've been practicing some things that for some reason people have suggested not to.
The first time I ever hit close to jhana was a total accident. I practice jhana but with the goal of enlightenment not to sound cool nor to benefit myself in this world as best I can phrase it.
That and other things brought me to buddhism, not the other way around. It and many other views I've had just fit perfectly.
Others like mindfulness of the body from the suttas. I'm not sure why it was advised I not do it. It's not hard to look at what the body is so to say but still perform the daily duties I'd begun before becoming serious.
Recently I nearly died. I was on life support for a week and on top of the initial cause even with it and all of the sedation went into respiratory failure as an indirect result of the initial cause. I knew I was about done even while in such a state but knew I had obligations to wrap up here first even without true attachment. I've always felt like I chose this life on purpose with the aim of helping some people in specific ways.
Once I snapped out of it, "woke up" and the sedation wore off I realized I didnt care. I thought nothing of it. I just accepted it for what it was. The only thing I felt bad about as I can best put it was my wife having to go through that. Luckily my children are too young to know except the fact I was gone. I mean I totally want to finish my obligation because I do not wish to cause them suffering and do love them but concerning "myself" I just thought nothing of it. Without family obligations I would have let go and accepted it.
On top of this I decided to water fast after recovering. When my body seems it needs food I break it and eat but then continue. I'm well supplemented and honestly have weight to spare. It's not even for my body so to say. It's to make it more easy to pay attention to my thoughts, cravings and bodily function itself. Once I feel it has done it's job I'll return to normal eating except a more strict diet to where food is for sustenance instead of a habit or for enjoyment and likely keep it to a single meal at once before morning meditation.
Anyway though I've agreed with buddhism for a while things truly clicked in my mind so to say. It's not something I wish to elaborate on regarding some specifics but all positive for this path. I can be happy when I want but also faster than ever still my mind. I'll be recontinuuing my meditations tomorrow or the next day. Due to family obligations I need to have a strict schedule and the whole hospital thing had my sleep schedule way off so I've needed to cycle back.
I'm not sure why I felt like I should share. I believe it's mostly because I intended to share that what can seem like extremely negative things can truly benefit the path.
And I understand things may sound bad but only if taken out of context. I hope you are all doing well in the multitude of ways possible.
Some details I left out or vague on purpose for privacy. There are also some questions I will not answer IF they come up but that really just depends. You never know what gets said or asked online yet alone Reddit.
Peace.
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