What's the secret to giving a shit?
I've never understood why people are ABLE to care. I mean my first assumption is that it is all driven by insecurity. The reason why a family might never have a full sink, no clutter what so ever... Why does anyone commit to anything? I've never been motivated to do shit, I blew off highschool because I didn't care, and now even 12 years later I'm blowing off college because I just can't get myself to give a shit. So either I'll fail and go back to working shit jobs till I remember a desire to be free from that misery, and then I'm good for a while, and then I'm back to not giving a shit, and then I do shit....then I don't....yada yada, I've went in this circle my whole life. You could tell me my family's future depends on it, you could give me critical information that would greatly impact my life, still can't care. I just have no life in me to do anything. I'm a fucking slob of a person, I only do what I have to do when it's unbearable not to. Discipline makes me miserable, sure feeling on top of shit feels good for a minute, then I can't give a shit, I just can't. I've studied philosophy, psychology, all kinds of stuff, no reasoning can put a dent in my issue. I'm tired of only being driven to do stuff when I'm at my most miserable, and I'm tired of the cycle.
I've failed college math twice, I haven't done any assignments the last 2 weeks, my car is ghetto as hell, the hood is all carved up, the catalytic converter is about to explode, hasn't had an oil change in forever, has a coolant leak. Can't drive it anymore and my piece of shit all state insurance company hasn't done shit to fix my car after it was damn near totaled over a month ago. I just hate life, I've ALWAYS had a poor opinion of life. It's like being forced to watch a really REALLY shitty horror movie on repeat till you die and everyone in life trying to convince themselves and others to make the best of it. Fuck all this.
I'm 32, I've tried everything, what now? Anyone out there figure out how to give a shit?
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from Buddhism https://ift.tt/2Kkaqrb
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