Quitting smoking: seeing attachment and aversion in action

I'm finding that quitting smoking is a great way to demonstrate attachment and aversion, two sides of the same coin, in action. I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

Attachment

There are rational reasons to smoke, otherwise we wouldn't even consider doing it! It boosts our focus and reduces our restlessness and other states of mental distress. At least until it runs out, then the addiction part actually reduces them until we get our next "fix".

But the attachment comes in when we start believing those benefits are absolutely necessary for our well-being. We fear that without it, we won't be able to focus on our job, we won't be able to keep our calm and be nice to our loved ones. But most of all, we fear the state of restlessness and mental anguish that we expect will come if we don't smoke.

Interestingly, if we are engaged in a task, such as playing a compelling video game, and our working memory is too busy to entertain thoughts about smoking, we focus just fine, without any mental anguish, for countless hours. But as soon as we leave room for a simple thought to pop in, "hey, it's been a while since I last smoked", suddenly a wave of dread fills us and we feel like this is it: from now on we will be unable to experience anything but this deep craving.

What causes attachment, therefore, is our conviction that horrible things will happen if we give something up.

Aversion

There are also rational reasons to quit smoking. It's unhealthy, expensive and time-consuming! It is also uncomfortable to the senses; it stinks, it makes the throat hurt and the nose clogged. So, naturally, we entertain thoughts about stopping smoking.

But then we feel like smoking is robbing us of all these good things. We gradually develop an aversion towards the act of smoking. So we end up feeling repulsed by ourselves, guilty for indulging, and similar negative mindsets.

The battle

Whenever a thought about smoking arises, an inner battle begins between attachment and aversion. It may sound like feeding the aversion is the right thing to do here, since the reasons to quit rationally outweigh the reasons to continue, but it doesn't quite work that way.

I just spent a whole 30 minute meditation session observing these two inner demons battling:

Attachment: "Hmm maybe we should grab a smoke after meditating, before we get started on work. There's quite a lot to do, and it is getting a bit late!"

Reason: "Maybe, we'll decide at that time. For now, let's focus on the breath."

Aversion: "No! We're trying to quit here! We definitely shouldn't even consider these thoughts, either now or then!"

Reason: "Maybe we won't smoke, but now is not the time to decide. Back to the breath!"

Attachment: "What do you mean maybe we won't smoke? Look how restless the mind is, now is definitely the time to smoke! We won't be able to work without it!"

Reason: "We'll decide then. If we really need to, we'll definitely smoke!"

Aversion: "No! If we smoke, we'll just encourage it to want to smoke more! We need to allow this restlessness for a bit now to decrease the craving in the long run. To make peace with the fact that these states arise, that's what mindfulness is all about!"

Reason: "True, but the restlessness won't go away if you keep pestering me! We'll decide then, and perhaps by always postponing the decision like this, we will stop smoking, it sort of worked before!"

Attachment: "Oh? So you're lying to me about deciding later? You're just trying to ignore me hoping I'll shut up? Well I won't, so promise me you'll smoke or I won't let you focus on the breath at all!"

Reason: *sigh*

The answer

Whenever we choose to feed one of them, we feed in to all our impulsive decision-making process. So, while we think that through aversion we're combating the attachment, we are in fact giving it more power, and creating more inner restlessness.

The solution is, therefore, to not feed either of them, so that both quiet down. Don't bash yourself when you give in and go for a smoke. Instead, thank that part of you for trying to look out for you and help you achieve your goals, even if it is a bit misguided. And when the aversion arises, thank that part as well, and remind it how it too is feeding the restlessness, and therefore misguided.

Once the two sides are pacified this way, they realize that both them and your rational side all want the same thing: your overall well-being. They learn they are listened to and they don't need to yell to be heard, and they begin to trust the rational side.

It is the only way I have found to cultivate a not-smoking habit without running for the lighter whenever stress or other suffering arises. And it works for other sources of attachment and aversion too!

submitted by /u/scatterbrain2015
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