Need help figuring out why I should still stay in Buddhism
I was born a Buddhist, to a somewhat religious Buddhist family. We went to temple every Sunday and attended Buddhist classes. But recently something happened in the family that just made me doubt my faith altogether.
1- I cannot speak to God like the Christians do. I cannot ask for help, forgiveness or even just someone to listen to my prayers. There is no creator God in Buddhism and the Buddha has just dissappeared to Nibanna which is at god knows where, and is probably really unable to listen to my grievances anyway.
2- I cannot reach out to the monks for advice. They are always scurrying off to some corner of the temple, and don't really build a relationship with any of their followers. They're revered and are there for lunch and special prayers. But there is a boundary between them and the followers that I find it hard to even want to talk to them in the first place.
3- I don't know why I pray. Apparently you're supposed to feel calmer afterwards. I feel the same before and after. It doesn't do anything for me. Good and bad things happen whether or not I pray.
4- I hate meditation being forced upon me. Sure some people like them. But why do I have to do it? When I don't even like it. As if meditation is going to solve all of my problems. Maybe the whole world should just sit down, meditate and do nothing else then if that's the case.
Religion seems to have done nothing for me that my friends and family has, not even to listen to my grievances. Maybe I would be better off without a religion altogether?
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