My abyss of doubt
I have tried to solve a primordial question in my life. In the end, without reaching a conclusion, I turn to my dear friends in the Buddhist community.
I have been practicing the teachings for about 2 years. From then on, I conclude empirically that i evolved grandly (but far from what I seek) as a human being, both for myself and for others.
In the midst of this period of change, there is my girlfriend. Relationship of approximately 7 years. I'm 27 years old, she's 24.
She experienced all my change. I was a person who needed to impose my truth as correct, did not admit my mistakes, judged and criticized. I notice that, in a way, I influenced her maturation process, preventing her from being as she really wanted to be at the expense of my wants. Fortunately, changes do exist.
Since there is no perfection when it comes to human behavior, it has some issues that bother me. The main thing is that she has a naturally "sad" personality. She is a more serious person, she does not smile much, she rarely laughs ... I have already opened with her about my feelings. I was extremely clear.
The current issue is. She's been trying to be a better person by relying on our dialogues, but regardless, I can not feel any more affection for her. It seems that some flame has gone out. I feel boredom around her. I feel that she "has nothing more to offer me." When I know I have to meet her, I feel bad affections. I rarely have sexual attraction to her. I see myself looking and wishing other women, even knowing that my girlfriend has great qualities, perhaps the majority that I like in a woman.
To improve the understanding of the context, I am a genetically stable person. I feel less affection than the general average. Empathy, fear, joy, sadness, etc. I rationalize everything I do. Buddhism has helped me a lot on this issue. I can not remember a decision I made when I was overcome by strong emotions. In view of this, I bring my question to you. I do not want to hurt her.
I wish her well and I recognize that she is a fantastic person as a girlfriend. I have already meditated on it and realized that it may be my problem and that it will be repeated with all the others. Therefore, I am afraid of losing her as a result of a misunderstanding of reality.
Do you believe that I can relearn and recognize it, looking from somewhere else?
Would it be best to set her free to follow other Norths?
Will there be someone who will activate this "flame" on me and keep it on? Socially, they call it a soul mate. I would call it personality chemistry..?!
I want what I do not have? Should I try to get used to it and let the water run?
Should I mature my thinking and try to best understand the "whys"?
Tell me. All words are useful.
Thank you in advance.
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