I am suffering. I'm full of anger, hatred and fear. I lack courage.
Hi,
I am full of anger, hatred an fear. I get annoyed easily. People are unpolite. People are rude. I try to be a good civillian. People say "Be nice. Be compassionate" and I end up supressing my hatred and disapproval towards peoples behavior.
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At the subway at 7am. Everybody is in silence. And there is a guy with loud music. I noticed how I was getting angry, but didn't say anything.
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Walking around the street, a guy bumps into me. Looks at me as it were my fault when it wasnt, and he keeps walking without saying sorry
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I have a small buddha statue in my office desk. Everyday I come the statue is laid down. It's the cleaning lady. I understand she might be having a bad day or something but I get angry. But people say "Be nice. Don't be angry"
How can I not be angry when people are doing this things?!
On the other hand I am afraid that someone confrontational will want to start a fight or if someone kicks me out from my job if I confront the cleaning lady.
I am suffering a lot. Please, help.
I sometimes feel like the problem is in me, but on the other hand I think I lack courage and that I have to stand up for myself.
In fact, today I had a dream of me being a doormat. And I felt very disturbed.
Thank you.
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