How to accept my girlfriend's past?

I love my partner. She is beautiful, ferocious, intelligent.

She is also currently on a 10-day retreat. So it's been really valuable time for me to reflect on our relationship.

I often become really insecure, internally, when thinking about the number and quality (her ex was a really cool guy) of guys she has been with.

I know this is MY problem and not hers. I dont trust her at times (she has cheated- on her previous ex with me. Disclaimer - but so have i).

This pervasive insecurity can block me at times. I lash out. Distance myself.

I've sourced a few things for me, and I work on themdaily. But this feeling comes back. And I so truly want to be with her.

Extra: Can anyone speak to an experience after such a long retreat? What it was like coming home? I'm not sure how to recieve her, other than just listening and loving.

Thanks in advance.

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