How can I care about life?

I've become incredibly disillusioned with school in my final year of it. I used to be extremely conscientious (partially due to a long forgotten period of OCD) but in the last couple of years have done a complete reversal.

I cannot bring myself to work.

It's not even a matter of procrastination, simply an 'I really don't care about how my future goes at this point'. I've been dealing dealing with depression most of my life but my recently adopted 'self-destructive' habits have done more for my mental health than being a good student ever did. I'm no longer anywhere near as stressed as I used to be about work, I'm meeting loads of new people through partying most weekends and I'm making the trudge through school a damn-sight more interesting by being a dick to teachers who are dicks to me rather than vying to please them like I used to. The only thing is I've yet to do more than a couple (and I mean literally a couple) of rushed, 20 minute essays since the start of September.

I'm less depressed than I used to be, but I'm far from happy. Yes, I've gone from nervous wreck to not giving a shit about anything but at this stage I really want to feel something other than making-out, alcohol, weed and music.

Where is this care for my future? What buddhist teaching can help me get it back? I meditate daily which, again has helped, but still led to general apathy about staying alive.

I suppose this post has become more of a 'how can I care about life?' than the original title of 'Any Buddhist teachings on motivation?'

I'm tired as hell and this is an utter scramble of random thoughts. My comments should hopefully start to make more sense when I narrow down the issue in relation to whatever one's advice is :)

submitted by /u/WhyDidntYouDoMyJob
[link] [comments]

from Buddhism https://ift.tt/2DRD4yJ