buddhist teachings on dealing with conflict, pain, addiction
Hey everyone, I have a question regarding Buddhist thoughts/teachings on situations of conflict. This question arises due to a personal situation: someone close to me (in my family) has been dealing with problems of addiction for several years. This is clearly a problem to those of us around him, yet it is not so severe that he is unable to work, live, etc. (what you would call a functioning addiction, I guess). This is (I believe) at the root of a lot of my pain and anger towards him, and I have found over the past three years especially that I am going through a constant cycle of resentment and anger, pain and hurting, and utter frustration. I have attempted to describe these feelings and my desires for him to make changes many times, and nothing has happened. Sometimes when he asks me to do things, gets angry at me, or takes any other random actions, I suddenly feel so incredibly overcome with emotions of anger and pain -and especially resentment- towards him for the fact that he has made me feel this way for so long. Yet, at the same time, I love him so much and live every day in fear that something will happen to him- I'll get angry, but then immediately feel regretful because I fear that I'll lose him and never forgive myself. I've been reading a lot on Buddhist teachings for addiction and have been trying to translate those ideas toward how I -as a family member- should act. In terms of the direct conflict situations, to what degree should I explain my pain and frustration to him? To what degree should I merely accept the situation and say that he is an addict who has not recognized his addiction, and all I can do is love him and enjoy the times I have when he's sober, and forgive him for his actions when he's not? I feel as though I'm stuck in a cycle and it is really negatively affecting my mental health and my ability to live. The teachings I've read recently have provided me great clarity, but I still feel as though I don't have a clear answer. I would appreciate any advice on this situation. I know it's complicated and there is no right answer, but if anyone has experience with this, or is knowledgeable on Buddhist teachings on conflict and addiction, I would appreciate advice or guidance. Thank you in advance!
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