Self-Discipline or Compassion Needed? Advice on skillful living please...
Hello, all. I'd like to say that I consider you my virtual sangha, and so that's why I'm turning to you all for advice. I'll try to keep this short: I'm struggling with how and when to apply compassion or self-discipline in a skillful manner.
I have a job that I dislike. There's nothing wrong with the job, except that it's customer service. I want to quit, but since I started meditating I have become aware of certain patterns. After one year, or two at the most, at any job I hold, I will get the unshakable urge to quit. This is not me quitting jobs I like, on the contrary, I have never really held a job I like because I find interacting with other humans difficult. It's always a relief to quit and have a few weeks of silence before I have to return to the working world to eat and pay rent. Strangely enough, the 'easiest' job I ever had was an emergency dispatcher because there was a rote formula to each interaction, and helping people was purposeful... But office drama destroyed that job for me. I was naturally shy and reclusive, and was bullied. I digress.
I want to quit and take a job with much less human interaction. It would be a small pay bump, too. So in those aspects it seems like an obvious good. But it would continue my pattern of dropping jobs after a year or two. It would also be withdrawing from human interaction, which I'm uncertain is beneficial to someone like myself with reclusive tendencies.
Points I Am Also Considering:
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It's fine not to find a long-term job, or to take a while to find a job one can stand long-term, so I shouldn't 'force' myself to do anything that makes me miserable and stressed.
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Some people are naturally shy or socially awkward and they shouldn't have to try and be something they aren't.
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I should stay, because working jobs continuously shows maturity and reliability.
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The new job might very well be just as unbearable after a year or two, and then I will be right back at this exact spot with the urge to quit again for a few weeks of relief.
I have sat with this problem a few times, and I'm no closer to finding a solution. There are so many points to consider, and I honestly don't know which ones are more valid than the others. I feel utterly unskillful. Perhaps someone here can offer insight? Thank you kindly in advance.
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