What is happening to my body? Is this dukkha?
Hello,
I am an Accounting student who is 21 years old and I have recently taken hold of Buddhism and it's teachings. I've meditated (mostly) every day for 3 weeks now; for 30 minutes at least. I'm starting to see changes in my body. I don't understand if this is Dukkha, if I am fixating so hard on Buddhism that my body is producing placebo.
This is my situation - I am a normal young adult. I go out, smoke weed, party, study, watch TV, all these things. As I meditate more and more, i'm starting to phase out certain habits, while still leaving some (Although I still understand the Dukkha behind them). One thing that has come to my attention though, I always wonder of the world. Before I got into Buddhism, I still had the ideology of a buddhist, and that's what ultimately gave me the connection to follow Buddhism. I used to stare at an object and wonder why my brain conceives this object this way. I always knew the object was not truly what my brain perceived. I still do the same thing nowadays, but this time, it's like I get overpowered. After readings of parables, koans, and meditation, I will stare at an object, and still think the same. But this time I cry. I've cried for the past two weeks, And today, I cried uncontrollably. It wasn't a cry I could snuffle up after 5 seconds. I was crying for a minute straight, with no control. I was crying because what my brain thought of an object was not the same as what my body thought of an object. This is starting to happen to me all the time. When i'm in the car with my mom on the way to school, when I walk on my own, when I have a single moment of awareness by myself.
What is happening? Am I fixating too hard on objects and the formations of them? Or is this a successful step? I don't have a meditator or teacher to help me on my way, it's hard to get in contact with that type of stuff when you are busy with school, work, friends, etc.
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