please guide me: what wishes to give up and what wishes to fulfill?
like whishes. they are so paradox. the very core of the teachings seems to be to transcend wishes. yet, this too is a whish. teachings.
i was born and live in northern germany, and i did not have any education in eastern philosophy beside from what one picks up on the fly. i try to learn as much as possible, but my insights are very limited. i am searching for a teacher right now and i do think im blessed to live in the city i do live in. there is a tibetian center here and a tibetan abbot is living there 10 month of the year. in the future i will try to bring up the money to study buddhism there. but right now, i do only have my mind and what i can figure out on my own. i feel i understand a lot by contemplation, but there are some things that puzzle me.
the one thing that has me puzzled very deeply right now is wishing. wishes are so paradox. the very core of the teachings seems to be to transcend wishes. yet, this too is a wish. so obviously the meaning can not be to give up all wishes. some wishes then must be fulfilled i think.
now, this is where it gets really difficult for. how can i gain the wisdom to see what wishes i need to fulfill and what wishes i should give up? sometimes its easy enough. my glasses are broken, i need new ones. i need to fulfill this wish, because if i do not do this, i cant be my best self because i cant really make out faces beyond a few meters.
but it is not always that easy!
like, until very recently i was sure i did not want children or even have a lasting relation. i thought i was a toxic person anyhow, and i did not want to force anyone into knowing me very intimately, especially not kids. this had changed. i felt i could be a great influence if i tried, and i did realize i wanted both children and a lasting relation. however, if the goal is to love everybody equally (and i want this very much), how can i be in a relation? i could not give an individual person the feeling of being special then. this must be traumatic, especially for kids. and so here is one wish that i can not fulfill without giving up another, and its quite hard to see what is wise.
should i wish to have a new bicycle? i do not really need it, i can get around with public transportation and by foot easy enough. this too is very borderline. on the one hand, something that might enable me to be more productive, on the other hand possession i can live without.
now, these are just a few examples to make my point. anyone could come up with millions of similar questions. i am NOT asking to have these specific questions answered.
but i am very much interested if my realizations are of any value. if they are of no value, where is my mistake? maybe i am just making it to complicated and it really is very easy. in case some of what i was thinking is true, is there a shortcut? mind tricks or simple methods to use to determine what to give up and what to fulfill?
if someone would share some insight with me i was very very grateful.
thank you ♥
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