Struggling due to a Friend's Misconduct
Hi everyone, My friend has been involved in an affair as the unmarried one for a year now and I'm beginning to admit to myself that it's affected our friendship. After watching a talk on YouTube this morning by about a Buddhist nun about how much our friends influence and affect us, I'm realising that my friend's involvement in the affair has definitely had a negative impact on me outside of the ways I'd originally thought. For one, earlier this year she asked me to lie for her to help her to cover up a meeting with the guy. I said no and explained that it went against my ethics. She accepted it, but I did not like that she put me in that position because I could have easily bowed to the pressure. Secondly, the fact that she is lying and potentially causing huge harm to her lover's wife, it makes it more difficult for me to trust her, for sure. There are other negative effects on me, one of which is watching her suffer due to the anxiety of having to constantly creep around. I have told her I'm concerned about her for this reason, and also that she was potentially preyed on (large age gap/power imbalance). However, I have not told her openly that I think her conduct will only lead to pain, and I suffer from holding that truth in. So, I feel in a very difficult position. Yes, I definitely have huge amounts of compassion for this friend. I have been in a similar situation myself, years ago. I can understand to a degree. And back then, she helped me through it. I can't help but empathise with her. But I know the damage of affairs and lying first hand. Am I being a good friend to both her and myself by continuing to just go along with all this? I don't want her to feel judged...that's been my main reason fo holding back. She needs love and understanding. But is being so non judgemental actually foolish? I am suffering because of her actions and I feel that she's unable to be as good a friend because of them. She is suffering because of her actions. And one of these days, all hell might break lose, leading to extreme hurt for others involved. I really can't pretend that I approve. Please deliver me some wisdom on this.
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