Good Buddhist Bad Human?

I should preface this by saying that I don’t fully identify as Buddhist- it is just what is closest to my spiritual beliefs, which is why Im posting here. I watch and appreciate a lot of Alan Watts videos if that helps to understand my perspective.

I’ve run into this issue where I find the social game or life to be way too exhausting. It’s different from my past issues with depression because I still love life and find so much beauty in existing, but at the same time there are too many constraints to live it the way that I wish I could. I always want to be in the place that I am when I am having a spiritual experience or meditation. But I am a person (American, if that says anything) and therefore there is the other side of life that I have to deal with. Expectations, responsibilities, etc.

This is the whole concept of life, I get it. My navigation through what I would make the distinction of ‘human’ or rational world is integral to my navigation of the natural or spiritual world. I’m just finding it harder and harder to find the motivation to care about the rational world, to do my school work and find a job and pay my bills, when all I ever want to be is in my inner world. It’s even making it harder for me to establish connections with people.

I just feel so disconnected from “reality” and it’s scary because I need to be able to carry myself through it, and therefore care about it on some level. But more and more lately I find myself resenting it.

It’s like I went from one extreme to the other. Being so consumed in the material world, to not wanting to leave my spiritual one. I am at a loss at how to find balance between the two.

submitted by /u/lexcanon
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