Spiritual awakening is not always bliss. In fact, it can be very painful.

To those who follow Buddhism: I fully understand your intention to bring yourself closer to what we call enlightenment. In every single way, I am just like you. But through meditation and dealing with reality, I have realized something very important. True awakening of our internal potential CAN be an extremely painful experience.

Keep in mind that some of the greatest truths of our lives can only be found in the darkest, scariest, most painful parts of ourselves. Death, for example, is one of, if not the the hardest pill to swallow for a multitude of reasons that we are likely already familiar with. How does one cope with a truth such as this? There are many ways.

One of the ways to cope with such a thing is ego death, or something like it. This can be experienced through meditation, or possibly through drugs (which is what I picked, for better or worse).

I cannot say that I recommend psychedelics. The risk of a bad trip is extremely important, of course. But even aside from that, psychedelics can show us things we are NOT ready to see, to tell us things we are NOT ready to here. It’s like speeding up the spiritual path. Experiences such as these can be painful and even traumatizing, if we don’t know how to cope with them.

My realization on my trip was that there is no wall separating life from death. What we call death is always a part of us somewhere beyond our perspective and ego. This truth hit me too hard too fast, and was far too real. It was so difficult that I couldn’t even understand it. Before time allowed me to understand this, I just walked around with a feeling of anxiety and dread hanging over me. It took lots of strength, insight, and LOTS of love to work through this and to realize what I needed to realize.

So my advice to those who want to realize their full spiritual potential: please be patient. Meditation is the best way to realize our true nature because it goes by the pace WE set for ourselves. We are met by insight when we are ready for it. But if you want to take psychedelics, you need to know that they can NOT be underestimated. Your experience might be one of pure joy, but if you take them to let go, you need to realize the full weight of truly letting go. Again, I can’t say I recommend them. I can’t even say that my experience was worth it. After all, there’s absolutely no reason to rush spiritual growth. If you’re on the fence about taking psychedelics and part of you is thinking you should stick to meditation, you should probably not take them. Not now at least. Please trust your intuition.

For those who have come across profound insight that is making you ache, drugs or no drugs, let me remind you that this place of fear is not your final destination. Nothing has been ruined. Everything is where it needs to be. Allow time and patience to pull you out the other side, better than ever. I understand your fear. Seeing clearly can absolutely be a very scary thing! It sounds difficult and even might sound like wishful thinking, but keep in mind that even the Buddha had at least one existential crisis. And guess what? He found enlightenment. Accept love from everyone who offers it, including yourself. Allow yourself to sit with your deepest fears. See them for what they are. And through meditation, allow yourself to be silent and rational. Through this, the insight you need will inevitably come. Hang in there, and live every moment like it’s your first. Nothing but love for you all! ❤️

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