I've wasted time, now doth time waste me - Shakespeare
I'm 29 and wasted an enormous amount of time in my life because I've had it easy in a lot of departments. I did manage to get a graduate degree in an area I love and don't have any debt but if I look back on the amount of time I spent wasting away watching movies and series and gaming, it's completely disgusting.
Now I've turned it around and spend very little time on any of those activities anymore and am focusing on what I'm passionate about (meditation being one of those things) but I can't get ridd of the anxiety and feeling of having missed out and having to catch up and it's causing unskillful striving in a lot of areas in my life. I can remind myself to slow down and that there's really no where to go, come back to the present and just do what I can right now and let tomorrow sort itself out. But again and again I am plagued by these feelings of anxiety that stirr me on.
And whenever I do use media, like YouTube am bombarded with videos of the likes of Jordan Peterson hammering this point in and I experience a lot of unhappiness.
I then sometimes go in the counter movement where a part of me says fuck it, there's nowhere to go it's all bs. I choose a small life and don't need to join any rat race. If I want to be a dishwasher for a time and just focus on meditation that's fine. I know this is a countermovement to the pendulum that swings a bit too much to the frustrated and anxious side of the spectrum of wanting to move towards something. But there's no middle ground and I don't know how to reach it.
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from Buddhism https://ift.tt/2qgTB73
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